Dear Dumb Chick From Florida Who Invested In A Detroit House On Santa Rosa

Dear Dumb Chick from Florida who bought a house somewhere on Santa Rosa in Detroit,

The Celestial Goddess of the Woodshed bestows
the Rat's Arse upon her Ukrainian Dumb Chick

 I really do not give a flying rat's arse which is why I did not even bother to look up your address or phone number, but in your case, just because you possess the fortitude to even call me, I shall make this exception only for you,

Please, whatever you do, even though someone lied to you, making you believe that you are all uber super smart and stuff, do not call me again.

If you believe you or your property is subject of criminal activity, call the Detroit Police Department.

You see, Dumb Chick, I hail from the land of Detroit, where I am able to localize your accent to be in the southeastern vicinity of Poland.

So, since you may face a language barrier, call 9-1-1 if you believe a crime has been committed.

Oh, and tell Lyrix I said, "What up, doe?"

And tell your other Dumb Chicks I said, "Shoo!"

#FreeMariaButina

via GIPHY

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Dear Dumb Chick Who Got Her Other Dumb Chicks To Call & Ask Me About The Detroit Land Bank Authority

Dear Dumb Chick,

I have previously asked you to stop calling, leaving really stupid messages about the Detroit Land Bank Authority house you may or may not have.

I told you before, if you feel that you are a victim of a crime, call 9-1-1, or walk into your local Detroit Police Department Precinct.

See, you may not know this, but, in the United States, we have law enforcement agencies who are public servants, meaning, they are officers of the peace who receive paychecks.

I do not get paid for anything, and, as such, I really do not give a flying rats arse to even listen to your entire message, because it was a meaningless sequence of words lifted from my blog.

I actually had no idea of what the hell you were talking about, except to demonstrate that you and your other southwestern Polish, regional crew actually believe I am stupid.

Impugning my integrity, intelligence, and veracity are triggers for me.

Stupid people make me itch, which is why I begin to violently itch each and every time I hear one of your messages.

Unless your original goal is to make me itch, you have accomplished your task.

It is quite obvious that you do not understand that I hail from the land of "The Poors" (always said with clinched teeth), which means you do not know Detroit.

With that said, "Go away or I shall taunt you a second time."

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