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Facebook can help trace relatives, but it is not really the best approach
A sensitive intermediary can help negotiate the intense emotions that arise after years of separation
Eileen Fursland says: "Adoption is undergoing a revolution" in relation to the ever-growing popularity of social networking sites such as Facebook (Hi, I think I'm your mum, Family, 19 June). Social workers have always tried hard to protect children from inappropriate contact but "The exponential growth of social networking sites such as Facebook has changed that forever – and the consequences are far-reaching."
This concern has been exercising adoption support services for some time, and the British Association for Adoption & Fostering recently put on an important conference about it.
But little has been said about the pros and cons of Facebook and other sites in relation to adopted adults and their relatives. As Fursland notes, "By making it so easy to find people, social networking sites have blown apart all the carefully thought-out procedures for tracing, contact and reunion in adoption."
For years, many adoption support agencies have been offering a considered and sensitive intermediary service. At Adults Affected by Adoption – Norcap, we encourage adults to use an intermediary to sensitively ease a relationship into being. The space between contacter and contacted needs to be big enough for both parties to be able to think and create a path through the eruption of the intense emotions that inevitably arise after years of separation.
Children who have been adopted from the care system are vulnerable and need protection. But, as Fursland points out, by searching for relatives on Facebook they are trying to tell us something. She quotes a social worker who says: "They want to know and they don't have all the answers. Ultimately, these children need us to give them a lot more information about their past." Certainly, the more information a person has, the more likely they are to be able to make an informed decision, rather than relying on fantasies about the people out there in the virtual world who may be construed as the answer to all of their problems.
I would have posted a comment on the site but they typically like to take down my free speech.
What is there to hide?
You may terminate parental rights but you can never terminate a legacy.
UPDATE:
Father, long-lost son reunite through Facebook
Shortly before Father's Day this year, Joe Monti was sitting at his living-room computer in St. Louis —- dinner done, the TV on — when he noticed that a stranger wanted to add him as a friend on Facebook.
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